Muddy Enlightenment

I have a kind of enlightenment
which is not clear
and which I am not too confident about,
and it is
the kind of enlightenment
where one sees the emptiness
of all things,
but without the clarity
and confidence
of a Buddha,
so it's a muddy enlightenment,
where I say that it's
like this,
but then I say
that it's sort of like this,
and often I say
I don't know,
but that's just because
nobody knows
if they really consider
what it is,
so the enlightenment
which I have struggled
so long and hard for,
is a sloppy, muddy enlightenment
where sometimes
I just throw up my hands
and say "Fuck It!".

Cutting It Up And Putting It Together

A long time ago,
I asked myself,
"Who am I?"
and I found
that I couldn't answer
that question
to my satisfaction,
so that question
has been traveling
through the mind
for years and years,
and along the way,
I learned that Buddha said
that there is no self,
but that puzzled me
and I didn't understand it,
because I thought
that there was something
which I could call my self,
so the Zen master
taught that there was something
which could be called
the authentic self,
even though
it is non-existent,
so I have put it together
and now I can safely say
that this is me
sitting here,
period,
and I'm scratching my nose.

The Cat Pisses On The Roof

So, the Zen master
was giving a Dharma talk
about the mind,
and he said,
"The cat pisses on the roof...
you see, it's authentic"
so, the mind
in this body thought,
"What's that mean?"
and it wondered
if he was just talking
about a cat pissing
on a roof
or if he was talking
about some archetypal being
thinking in my head,
or some cat pissing thoughts
in my brains,
or some black jazz musician
playing music
in my head,
so later I figured that
the cat did
piss on the roof,
like just an ordinary cat,
but that it also
probably means
all this junk,
but anyway,
the cat pisses on the roof.

Being Sixty

This is not
how I thought
being sixty
would be,
I thought
I would be
an old guy
with a lot of experience
and an old mind,
but, instead,
I find
that I am a kid
just out of high school
inside,
and nothing
has really happened,
so, I have
some sort of brain
that's like a fourteen year old,
but, when the Beatles sang
when I'm sixty-four,
I thought
that was an ancient age,
so, go figure,

I got fooled again.

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