Zen has been teaching
to just do it
for awhile now,
but it used to teach
not doing,
so today
I was nearly forced
by the mind
to do nothing
for quite awhile,
and not doing
is just what it is,
like just sitting around
doing nothing,
and so meanwhile
the mind
has in it,
somewhere,
this unheard, but loud voice
which says,
"Get up off your lazy ass
and get to work!",
so a kind of restlessness
sets in,
where I am resting
but I'm not.
After I had gotten
a little ways into
my Zen training,
a woman
in the Sangha
told me
that Zen takes
a long time
to get,
but I had read
before that
about how
you get Zen
immediately,
and that you
are a perfect Zen practitioner
right away,
so I found out
after many years
that both are right,
the beginner gets Zen immediately
but it takes a million years.
I don't really think
that I am an expert
at anything,
because I don't want
to be,
since the expert's mind
is one track,
since he or she
already knows,
so I have tried
to keep an intermediate mind
which knows something
but not everything,
so that way
if I'm doing something
I feel free
to make changes
or go in
a different direction,
because I try to keep
a mind which is not stuck
in one place,
like quicksand, for example.
My sister
suggested to me
that I record
my flute, ocarina,
and recorder,
along with
a rhythm track,
so, since we should all
listen to everybody,
since they are
Buddhas,
I went to my basement
where my little instruments are,
and recorded
a piece of wind music,
just as she suggested,
and it got
pretty wild
and was
just like the old days.
I have
a special
program
designed to heal
my body/mind
with the computer
by the use
of tones,
so I typed in
"love, peace, happiness,
wisdom, contentment,
confidence"
to the little box
on top,
and pressed play
and the tones rang out
the spelling
of the words,
so when contentment came up,
I looked up twice,
because I thought
I spelled wrong,
and when confidence came up,
I did get the spelling all wrong,
so no wonder
I'm not content
and confident.
So the birds
are making music
and I am listening
after making music
myself
in the basement,
so it was
an experience
of my ideas
being uprooted
by the other thoughts,
who suggested
interesting things
to do
with my little instruments,
and I don't know
if it is my music
or simply
a music
that comes out,
and it did!
When someone dies
the system gets going
with people calling
and calling people
and doorbell ringing
and people coming over
and drinks of water
and paper
and files
and the reading
of the will
which never happens
and is only a myth
and cookies
from the friendly neighbors
and a pastor
and sitting at a big important desk
talking about cremation
and one gets tired.
The day
was Cinco De Mayo
and Buddha's official birthday
and I was giving
my sleeping mother
doses of strong painkillers
around the clock
every four hours,
so I took a nap, finally,
and when I went upstairs
for another medicine injection
into her mouth,
I noticed
that her chest
was not moving
up and down
like it had been,
so I took off
the oxygen
from her nose
and felt if there
was any breath,
and there wasn't
so that was it,
and I sat
in meditation
next to her
for awhile
and then called
my sister.
The motion of objects
in space
creates the illusion
of time,
therefore
the past
is a record
of the motion
of objects
in space,
and the present moment
is not a moment,
but instead
it is eternity,
unless there
is some kind
of end to space
which is doubtful,
so time does not exist
and growth
is a function
of the motion
of objects
in space,
so,
"Welcome
to eternal life
in this present moment!"
I can't clean
the mind
with water
and I don't mind
thinking about sex
but I clean
the mind
with my breathing
as I concentrate
on it
because a clean mind
has room
to get filled up
like an empty computer
so I go about
filling up
the mind
with junk
and then
I clean it again.
